When I was little, I used to say to myself, “Our minds are very powerful.” I didn’t really understand what it meant, but it deeply resonated with me as a fundamental truth. Repeating this mantra gave me a sense of possibility, power and freedom. At the same time, I would also scream at the top of my lungs, “it is all your fault” to whomever I felt was to blame for feeling wrong or badly about myself. I desperately felt the need to fend off any idea that I might be responsible for, or had control over, events that had “bad” outcomes. As a child, I thought I was supposed to be perfect and anything less was not OK. It was as if I was always performing, and the good outcomes I created were the reason why people would love and accept me. Much of my life has been spent trying to figure out how to reconcile these two opposite ways of being. Of course, being a blaming victim and a liberated, powerful person are at complete odds with each other. I wanted to be a wise and powerful creator, but I did not really want to be responsible for my mistakes or failures either.
ABOUT ME
ABOUT ME
My Story
Victim Searches for Empowerment
Mindset is the key to transformation
I came up with coping strategies to navigate my low self-esteem and hide my fears and insecurities. One of my first strategies was to deliberately reinvent myself into the person I thought I should be. In 3rd grade, I was obnoxious, not doing well in school, didn’t have many friends and was always getting into trouble. However, when I learned that my family was moving the next year and I was going to go to a new school, I had an “aha moment”. If nobody knows me at my new school, I can show up as anybody I want to be. I can start my life over and become a good person that other people would approve of and like. I remember feeling so liberated and empowered by the thought that I could take charge of my life and decide who I wanted to be. I was determined to do well in school, make new friends and just act like a good kid. I worked doubly hard to do my best in school, look cool, and be super organized and efficient. Of course, my past was still living inside of me; and, even though I changed how I looked and behaved on the outside, my self-esteem was as fragile as ever. Sometimes, I felt like a fraud and was afraid that people might find out the truth about me. Deep down I was sure that I was irreconcilably flawed in some way. No matter how hard I worked to overcome my faults and be a better person, I would never be good enough just being me. Though I could not articulate it back then, I just yearned to be seen, accepted and valued for my authentic self.
Discovering and owning the authentic self
As my life and experiences unfolded I found I was drawn to self-discovery and learning about healing and personal empowerment. In the process, I earned a Master’s degree in Behavioral Science. I’ve had the privilege to work as a marriage and family therapist, social worker, and as a coach for those with tobacco addictions.
Fast forward several decades to the serendipitous opportunity to become a life coach. The program with Accomplishment Coaching was an intense, first rate, year-long training. It really shook up what I thought I knew about myself, human beings and relationships. It catapulted my awareness and understanding into a completely new paradigm of possibility and personal power.
The thread that weaves throughout my life’s journey is that:
I’m dedicated to living a self-expressed life that reflects my values of integrity, inner peace, joy and authentic connection to others. My life purpose is to create opportunities for transformation. To be a beacon of inspiration and support for others to have the courage to live an authentic, passionate life.
Coming full circle
